Whips Or Kisses

This is for real. I do not pretend that this is any less important to you than it is to me. The only games I play are those with your mind. I truly enjoy using your deepest, darkest secrets to inflict a most sublime flavor of torment. I will expect you to open your soul to me and I will plant myself deep into your psyche.

Back in the recesses of your mind reside those thoughts and dreams you try to ignore, you think are just a fantasy, but I know differently. I understand that part of you, carefully hidden from the world, is more real than you like to admit. You try to deny it, you hide it away so no one sees the truth, but it is always there and it haunts you, every hour of everyday. It is more than a craving, it is a calling, and it is your true nature. I know you. I know if we stripped all that the world uses to hold this back, family, friends, work, you would allow yourself to become what you desire: A pet, a play thing, an instrument of leisure, and quite possibly the focus of contempt, but always useful – to me.

Are you brave enough to follow this calling? Do you truly seek the privilege of service? If you are one of the lucky ones and I choose to break you, you will never escape me. This will not end when you hang up the phone. Certainly you will continue to live your life, but nothing will ever be the same. Your thoughts will frequently find there way back to me at the most unexpected moments. At work, with your family, lying in bed at night, no matter where you are, what you are doing or who you are with, I will remain in your thoughts and you WILL conduct yourself accordingly. This is not hypothetical, this is not fantasy, this is fact. You may continue to live behind that mask of respectability, but you and I will know the truth. Once you have revealed yourself to me and I have luxuriated in your weakness, you will be mine.

What is a contract?
A contract is an agreement between a Dominant and submissive which outlines each participant’s rights and responsibilities. These contracts can be very specific, detailing such things as required duties, limitations, and punishment, or they can be quite general, depending on the needs of the couple. The important thing is that it is something you both can live with for its duration.
How long does it last?
Contracts can be stipulated for any length of time. One hour, one day, a month, or open-ended, depending on what the couple desires. Most offer a cancellation clause, should circumstances arise where one or both parties no longer desire to be bound by the contract.
Why is it important?
One of the things that causes most D/s relationships to fail is a misunderstanding over the expectations each has in the relationship. Surprises such as, “I didn’t know he’d want me to do *that*” or “She never told me she didn’t like *this*” can be avoided. Signing a contract provides a framework within the boundaries of which each can live and develop the bond of trust so essential in any relationship. Sitting down and spelling it all out in black and white can save a lot of disappointment and frustration later.
Contract
Sample
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(This contract is only an example of what such a document may contain and is most likely a bit too severe for the average D/s couple. Each couple must negotiate their own contract and incorporate the things that are agreeable and important to them.)
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Mistress & slave “Slavery” Contract
Term of Contract   This contract shall become effective on  ______  and will be reviewed in 90 days for changes.
1.0.0 Slave’s Role
The slave agrees to submit completely to the Mistress in all ways. There are no boundaries of place, time, or situation in which the slave may willfully refuse to obey the directive of the Mistress without risking punishment, except in situations where the slave’s veto (see section 1.0.1) applies. The slave also agrees that, once entered into the Slavery Contract, their body belongs to their Mistress, to be used as seen fit, within the guidelines defined herein. The slave agrees to please the Mistress to the best of their ability, in that they now exist solely for the pleasure of said Mistress.
1.0.1 Slave’s Veto
The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by the Mistress, at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command. This power may only be invoked under the following circumstances, or where agreed by both Mistress and slave:
a.    Where said command conflicts with any existing laws and may lead to fines, arrest, or prosecution of the slave.
b.    Where said command may cause extreme damage to slave’s life, such as losing their job, causing family stress, etc.
c.    Where said command may cause permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0) to the slave.
d.    Where said command may cause psychological trauma to the slave
2.0.0 Mistress’s Role
The Mistress accepts the responsibility of controlling the slave to do with as she sees fit, under the provisions determined in this contract. The Mistress agrees to care for the slave, to arrange for the safety and well-being of the slave, as long as she owns the slave. The Mistress also accepts the commitment to treat the slave properly, to train the slave, punish the slave, care for the slave, and use the slave as they see fit.
3.0.0 Punishment
The slave agrees to accept any punishment the Mistress decides to inflict, whether earned or not.
3.0.1 Rules of Punishment
Punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0). Punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse:
a.    Blood may not be drawn at any time. Punishment must stop immediately if blood is drawn
b.    Burning the body
c.    Drastic loss of circulation
d.    Causing internal bleeding
e.    Loss of consciousness
f.    Withholding of any necessary materials, such as food, water, or sunlight for extended periods of time
4.0.0 Permanent Bodily Harm
Since the body of the slave now belongs to the Mistress, it is the Mistress’s responsibility to protect that body from permanent bodily harm. Should the slave ever come to permanent bodily harm during the course of punishment or in any other slavery related activity, whether by intention or accident, it will be grounds for immediate termination of this contract, should the slave so desire. Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:
a.    Any damage that involves loss of mobility or function, including broken bones.
b.    Any permanent marks on the skin, including scars, burns, or tattoos, unless accepted by the slave.
c.    Any piercing of the flesh which leaves a permanent hole, unless accepted by the slave.
d.    Any diseases that could result in any of the above results, including sexually transmitted diseases.
5.0.0 Others
The slave may not seek any other Mistress or relate to others in any submissive way without the Mistress’s permission. To do so will be considered a breach of contract, and will result in extreme punishment. The Mistress may accept other slaves, but must consider the slave’s emotional response to such actions and act accordingly. Under no circumstance should the Mistress allow such actions to unbalance the slave emotionally, or allow such actions to result in ignoring the slave.

The Mistress may give the slave to other Mistresses, provided the rules of this contract are upheld. In such a situation, the Mistress will inform the new Mistress of the provisions stated herein, and any breach by the new Mistress will be considered a breach by the Mistress as well, subject to all rules stated in this contract.
6.0.0 Secrecy
All physical evidence of the slavery will be kept in total secrecy, except where both Mistress and slave agree. Any violation of this clause shall be cause to terminate this contract, should the injured party wish it.
7.0.0 Alteration of Contract
This contract may not be altered, except when both Mistress and slave agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.
8.0.0 Termination of Contract
This contract may be terminated at any time by the Mistress, but never by the slave, except under special conditions explained within this contract. Upon termination, all physical evidence of the slavery, including this contract, will be destroyed, and all materials and belongings shall belong to the Mistress, to be shared or kept as she sees fit.
9.0.0 Slave’s Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I accept her claim of ownership over my physical body. I understand that I will be commanded and trained and punished as a slave, and I promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasures and desires of my Mistress to the best of my abilities. I understand that I cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

Signature:____________
9.0.1 Mistress’s Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this slave as my property, and to care for them to the best of my ability. I shall provide for their security and well-being and command them, train them, and punish them as a slave. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to the slave as long as they are mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

Signature:____________

Attracting the attention of a sexually aggressive, dominant woman–one who sports skin-tight latex, spiked bracelets, towering boots and a menacing sneer–is not really that much different from impressing the girl next door in her cotton dress, sensible shoes and shy smile. Communication, kindness, generosity, understanding, humor, strength and good looks are all attributes found appealing by the fairer sex. It takes only a few tactical refinements of this genuine approach to win points with the Princess of Pain as well as the Homecoming Queen
There are many, many more submissive men than there are Dominant women. I receive lots of emails a day from men wanting to be my submissive. What is it about you, that would make me want to spend time writing to you, talking to you, or being with you?
Choosing the Right Mistress
I can’t even begin to tell you how many submissive gentlemen I know who complain about not being able to find the right Mistress for themselves. They hop from one Dominatrix to the next, never seeming to be satisfied, complaining about the money they spend, or the time they’ve wasted in what seems a hopeless cause (to hear them tell it, anyway). Is this your plight, too? Do you bounce from Mistress to Mistress, always seeking something better? Are you plagued by a series of negative, unsatisfying encounters with dominant women? Well then, let’s get back to basics.
Do You Know What You Want?
You must evaluate your own wants and motivations for visiting a Dominatrix. The better you know yourself and your submissive or fetishistic needs, the easier it is to find the right Domina. Do you seek physical correction? Is humiliation your interest? Servitude? Fetish appreciation? Transvestitism? To really find the best possible Mistress — one who fits your needs like a tight kid-leather glove — you must know what you need, and not just wander aimlessly in a field of dreams. If you don’t know, then find out!
Know What Your Priorities Are In A Dominatrix.
The physical appearance of a Mistress is always an attracting point; I won’t argue that. But are you motivated purely by youth and beauty, to the exclusion of more important details? Is appearance your sole criterion for choosing a Mistress? If so, your chances of finding that perfect Dominatrix are slim. I recommend you make a list of the assets and attributes that you feel are absolutely necessary for a Mistress to have, in order for your session to be rewarding. Be matter of fact about it. Looks may well appear on your list, but so might intellect, imagination, creativity, arrogance, the element of danger, sophistication, discretion, fetish wardrobe, caliber and types of equipment, personal habits, experience, understanding, and so on. There’s a lot more to consider about a Mistress than just her age or measurements. Remember that!
LETTER WRITING
By writing a letter, you have more time to compose your thoughts and express yourself. You are less apprehensive, and you can explain your interests clearly. There’s far less chance of saying something stupid in a letter versus a phone call. You are one step ahead of the telephone caller because you’ve shown a certain element of sincerity by including your return address.
When you write to a Dominant, the letter should be well thought out and reasonably lengthily. I know one Dominant woman who sends out a 20 page questionnaire to prospective submissives, and ours is at least 8 pages long….
You should write a letter, and then set it aside. Come back to it the next day and re-read it. Think about how you would respond if you received that letter. Be careful about its writing. Spelling and grammar *do* count. I consider myself a *very* intelligent person, I want to be with someone who has more than an 8th grade education, and that if he can’t spell properly knows at least how to use a spell checker.
Be respectful in your letter. It doesn’t endear me to know that you have an 8″ cock, or that you are *great* in bed. Like I care.  Don’t be too long-winded in your letter. Don’t ramble on about things not important to your goal, which is to make contact with the Mistress, to establish communication and, hopefully, to meet! A hotmail address is fine. Most Mistresses use them and you have the same right to privacy and anonymity as they do. Just be sure that you are very honest and forthright about the content of your letter. Lies, braggadocio and offers of unrealistic gifts are sure roads to rejection.
You are the one writing; it’s your obligation to make yourself understood. Most important, don’t be obscene. If you use off-color language, or make disgusting comments in your letter, sophisticated Dominas will reject you immediately.
Your very best chance of making contact through correspondence is by remembering four simple things: 1. Be honest; 2. Be sincere; 3. Enclose return address and/or telephone number; 4. Include a photo or description of yourself. If you practice these four rules, your chance of meeting a Mistress is greatly improved. Also remember that if you require discretion about your address or the content of a return letter, note that in your letter. You are responsible for your own circumstances. If you have a nosy secretary or family members you don’t want knowing about your correspondence, act accordingly.
THE PHONE CALL
Unlike writing to a Mistress, picking up a telephone, dialing and immediately talking to her, or worse, having to leave a message on her answering machine presents a whole set of problems you don’t encounter with a letter.
You want to speak with her immediately. You pick up the phone and dial. It rings. She answers (or, her machine answers). THEN WHAT?
First of all, you should never make a call that quickly. The fast-reaction call can do more harm than good to your chances of meeting a Mistress. Stop and consider a few things first:
- Why do I want to call her? Just to talk? Or am I prepared to make an appointment?
- Am I prepared to give her my name and contact information, especially if I get her machine?
- Am I calm? Have I collected my thoughts so I know what I want to say?

If you don’t consider things like these first, you’re likely to put your foot in your mouth.
Your telephone manners are critical, so here are a few simple points to remember if you are serious about meeting a Domina:

DON’T waste her time. If you live at opposite ends of the country and you can’t possibly get to see her for three or four months, it’s better to write first.
DON’T be a phone pest. If you call a lot, making up different names and voices for yourself, your chances of ever meeting her are less than zero.
DON’T ask too many questions or pry into details that don’t concern you. You have right to ask basic questions, and you have a right to sincere, honest answers, but if you get too nosy, you probably won’t get far.
DON’T brag, lie about yourself or start out by offering your undying love or ridiculously extravagant sums of money or presents. A good Mistress sees through this in a heartbeat.
DON’T throw out names and acquaintances that you know she knows unless you can back them up.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, DON’T stimulate yourself while you’re on the phone with her. She’ll know it, and you’ll be listening to a dial tone quicker than you can blink.
DO introduce yourself immediately. Be forthright and open. You can usually expect the same in return.
DO identify where you’re calling from.
DO mention where you saw her advertisement or picture, where you got her phone number, or who referred you. This is important. The mistress usually wants to know and it’s good if you offer it first.
DO express your interests clearly and honestly. Don’t tell her what you think she’ll be interested in. Say what you are interested in. This is the key to an open discussion and a rewarding meeting.
FINALLY, DO ask straightforward, fair questions that pertain to your possible meeting. You have that right. In return, be prepared to answer her questions directly as well.
SOME OTHER POINTS
Clean Up Your Act
At one time or another, each mistress I know has told me that she dislikes, and often banishes, submissives with foul personal hygiene habits. Exuding body odor, coifing greasy, unwashed hair, or wearing clothing for a second or third day is not the way to present yourself to a dominatrix. It’s amazing that this topic is even necessary in an article like this, because personal cleanliness and presentable clothing are second nature to the majority of people. If it weren’t for the numerous complaints by mistresses, I never would have guessed so many people were walking around with bad breath, B.O. and skid marks!
Take a note: bathe, shave, gargle, deodorize and don freshly laundered clothes before you knock at the door of Miss Bambi’s Bondage Studio. If you’re bringing your own French maid’s outfit or a rubber suit, be sure it’s clean and fresh-smelling too! If you honestly want a dominatrix to take special notice of you, make sure it’s not just because you smell bad.
How to write an effective personal
Dominant ladies receive a LOT of one line requests from submissive men. Most submissive guys don’t realize the extent of mail that we get. If you send a note saying “I want to serve you. I think you are a Goddess.” You can bet hundreds of other guys have sent something similar. Just the numbers alone would prevent a lady from responding to them since most of us do have things that we do other than write email.
Most guys just do not present themselves well when responding to an ad, placing an ad, or requesting attention from a Domme. You need to stand out if you want to get a response.
Some Guidelines
1. Be honest.
2. Be specific
You can’t find what you are looking for if you don’t even know what you are looking for. You may have to take some time thinking about this- it is worth the time. Look over the list of questions (later in this article) and do some soul searching. Know yourself and what you have to offer a dominant lady. Know what you want and what you are willing to compromise of that vs. what you must have in a relationship.
3. Check spelling- USE a dictionary!
A few typos here and there are not going to look bad- but consistently bad spelling throughout any post or ad does look bad. If English is not your native language then state that- people are more likely to excuse spelling if they know that you are not speaking your native language.
4. Put some thought into your ad
I mean REALLY put some thought into your ad. Don’t just post a quick one sentence request for a Domme. This will not likely yield any responses. Trust me when I say (again) that dominant ladies get tons of one sentence requests from submissive guys.
Some questions to think about
First- What you are looking for- in general? Are you looking for a long term relationship? A casual play partner? What EXACTLY are you seeking? What you are seeking in general will dictate the questions that you should ask yourself. If you are looking for casual play- then it doesn’t really matter if you share the same interests outside of BDSM. But if you are looking for a relationship then it DOES matter- quite a bit.
Now who are YOU?
What do you like within the realm of BDSM?
What are your MAIN interests in BDSM?
What turns you on?
What turns you off?
Do you have anything that you are NOT into?
What are your interests outside of the realm of BDSM?
What do you have to offer a partner?
A hint about this question DON’T offer something vague like ’service’ or ‘my pain for your pleasure’ unless you are seeking a casual situation. Even then it would improve your chances if you offer something other than that. The reason is because that is so common. You want to stand out. Be creative. Of all the letters I get from submissive guys wanting a session the ones I am most interested have been the ones that I find creative and interesting.
Next What are you looking for specifically?
What do you want in a partner within the realm of BDSM?
What do you want in a partner outside of BDSM?
Now- what of that is what you NEED and what of that is what you would like but would be willing to compromise? There is always compromise in a relationship.
Things to keep in mind.
Most dominant ladies that I know would LIKE to be romanced- just like vanilla ladies.
If you have the attitude that you need this and you need that- without any apparent willingness to get to know the lady and meet some of her needs as well, then you probably won’t find a partner.
Organizing your personal
Once you have answered any of the relevant questions- organizing your personal is easy. Start with your statement on what you are seeking in general. Then the section on who you are, what you like and are like. Then the specifics about what you seek.
About photos
It does help to have photos. But there are some guidelines here too. Also I want to know what the GUY looks like- not just his cock. I like HAIR- so getting a bunch of pictures of a guy’s cock is not going to impress me.
Some suggestions for photos
1. If you have AOL and the person you are writing to also has AOL- you can send pictures in an email.
2. You can put up a web site with your personal, including pictures of you and state the URL in your personal.
3. You can state at the end or your personal that you have photos on request.

The Personal Ad Makeover
Here is a generic and extremely common ad for a Domme.
“Looking for a dominant lady. I am willing to serve.”
The problem WHY should a Domme answer this ad? There is nothing stated about the person posting the ad or really what they are looking for. Would ANY dominant lady fill your need? That makes you sound desperate and it also seems to imply that meeting her needs is not really important- since you don’t say anything about meeting her needs. “Willing to serve.” is NOT meeting a lady’s needs- because there are usually requirements that go along with this. For example you are willing to serve IF she makes you wear women’s clothing and SHE wears fetish clothing. This is a LOT of work for a lady. We put a lot of time into planning things and getting dressed. I am not saying that we don’t LIKE to do this- I know *I* like to dress hot- BUT this is still about what YOU need, not what you are willing to give. As much as I LIKE ‘forced’ housecleaning, the fact is- when I need my house cleaned- I want it cleaned right. And I don’t usually have time to play around at it. What are you willing to do for HER, whether you get off on it or not?

Now look at the following ad
I am a 40 year old divorced professional man ultimately looking for a long term relationship. I am particularly interested in foot worship and service. I am not a masochist but I can take some pain for the right lady. Outside of BDSM I am interested in hiking and camping, reading novels- mystery mostly, working out and hunting.
I am 6′1 very clean cut and have an athletic build but I am not a body builder either.
I am looking for a full figured lady that is creative and likes the outdoors as well as she likes BDSM.
Photos available on request.

This is a very short- because I made it up quickly (this person is purely fictitious). But it states
1. What is he is looking for in general- Long term relationship
2. What his main interests are within BDSM foot worship and service
3. What he is willing to compromise not a masochist- but willing to take some pain
4. What he is interested in outside of BDSM (since he is looking for a long term relationship) hiking, camping, reading, working out, and hunting
5. A short description of what he looks like.
6. What he is looking for in a lady.
Things that I want to know when I get a letter
First of one of the things that I like to know and is almost NEVER mentioned is this Where did you contact me from? Was it my web site, my profile, did you see an ad? I want to know how guys hear of me.
Age. I want to know a guy’s age. Most say, but some don’t
I prefer if guys are honest about being married. I am SO tired of getting mail from guys that don’t say right up front that they are married.
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Gift Giving
The Only Strings Attached To A Gift Should Be The Laces On A New Pair Of Boots
If you want to give a special gift to a mistress, that’s entirely up to you. I have seen dominas proudly show off presents that range from a single rose to a fleet of automobiles. The deep meaning or the financial extravagance of a gift you wish to give to your mistress is certainly your decision, but keep one very important thing in mind. If you strap a Rolex watch to her wrist or take her on a lavish European holiday, don’t expect like value in return.
A genuine gift is often rewarded, but don’t expect a reward or use a present as barter. That’s really low budget, no matter how much you spent. Also keep in mind that there are two very definite categories of gifts–personal and self-serving. Like a husband giving his wife a dishwasher for her birthday, a submissive who gives a dominatrix bondage gear, a custom-made whip or exotic fetish clothing says that he’s giving her this gift to outfit his own desires more than hers. Certainly it will be appreciated, but it may not be admired as much as a completely personal gift. If the mistress you fancy likes a certain brand of perfume or, maybe, Versace dresses, impress her by getting this kind of purely personal present, along with whatever self-serving dungeon goodies you’ll no doubt buy. And then give these presents with no strings attached; your stock will soar in her estimation.
Let a Dominant know what you can do for them. Dominant women are not a public utility. You want them to spend their time and effort on you. What can you do for them in return? Your introductory letter should be very clear about the sorts of things that you can do for them. Are you good dinner company? Can you baby-sit her dogs, cats, and fish? Do you enjoy cleaning? Do you like fixing things? Are you the world’s best boot polisher? Are you a leather fetishist who would love to Lexol all her toys? The possibilities are endless. Pick a few things (at least 5) that you’re good at *and* that you are willing to do, and put that in your letter. Be sure that you are really willing to it. I have a friend who says, “They always say ‘Oh Mistress, I’ll do anything for you’ until I tell them to clean the catbox.” Nichole and Diana have been going through the same thing with sissy maids / house boys lately, they all say that they would love to be their sissy maid, and clean and dust and cook for them, but when it comes down to it, they don’t want to do a damn thing, and they just think that we’ll spend all our time and energy talking and hanging out with them. Forget it, it’s not going to happen…..
So…. How do you become a Houseboy?
Dream on, houseboys…What submissive doesn’t dream of achieving the coveted and elusive position of ‘Houseboy’? I receive perhaps 150 applications per year for the post, and it’s still available. According to popular myth, being a houseboy is every slave’s dream come true: Mince about the house in leather underwear, do a bit of dusting, polish Mistress’ boots, receive hourly spankings, and sexually service Mistress and her 3 gorgeous friends with alarming regularity.
Nothing could be further than the truth. Being a houseboy is perhaps the most demanding, thankless task ever conceived, a true test of ability, training, and character. As my current (tho not live-in) #1 boy is fond of saying, “this is not a gig for the faint of heart”. A houseboy is called upon 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to perform what ever task his Mistress sets him, and he is expected to do the job on time, to spec, and under budget. He does not receive tangible rewards for performing his assigned duties; his reward is the satisfaction of pleasing his Mistress, and easing her way through the perils of the day.
Let’s examine the qualities needed to be an effective houseboy.
A houseboy must be submissive, totally, but realistically. A groveling, sycophantic submissive is a poor candidate for a houseboy position, as he lacks the drive and initiative required to keep up with the demands of the job. There is a time and a place for crawling to me and kissing my feet, but 4:00 PM on a Saturday when I’m in the backyard and I desire a cocktail is neither the time, nor the place. I look for a bright, motivated and intuitive personality when considering a houseboy candidate. Retiring, artificially humble slaves are not suited to the task.
Loyalty is essential. While I prefer an experienced candidate, I have no desire to share him with his ‘other’ Mistress. It will take me long enough as it is to adequately train him, without having him try to meet the demands of two or more other dominants. A houseboy is ideally the most trusted member of a dominants’ household, privy to confidential personal information, and depended upon to perform tasks which demand the utmost in discretion. If I can’t trust my houseboy, I can’t trust anyone. Demanding, ‘high maintenance’ submissives are far too much trouble to keep as houseboys. I’ve lost track of the number of candidates who expected me to stand behind them, in full costume, artfully applying a riding crop to their bottoms as they ineffectively maneuver the vacuum cleaner. Sorry, fellas…the reason houseboys exist in the first place is to save me that degree of trouble. I can FORCE anyone to do my cleaning: A houseboy WANTS to do it, with no expectation of reward.
Skills are essential: a houseboy must have extraordinary abilities in any number of disciplines. Cooking and cleaning? Merely the beginning. A houseboy must have proven abilities in at LEAST 5 of the following fields:

“    Horticulture
“    Fabric Care
“    Wood Working
“    Leather Working
“    Metal Working
“    Millenary
“    Baking
“    Brewing/Winemaking
“    Photography
“    Musicianship
“    Graphic Design
“    Computer Programming
“    Martial Arts
“    Masonry
“    Skin Care
“    Hairdressing
“    Manicure/Pedicure
“    Shiatsu Massage
“    Word Processing/Database Management
“    Accounting
“    Great Organization Skills
“    Story writing capablilities
“    Managing a business

Any other skills not mentioned above are a bonus, and if you say you have certain abilities, you’d best be able to deliver on demand. It is not appropriate to indulge in ‘on the job training’.
A houseboy sees Mistress at her worst: contrary to popular belief, we do not roll out of bed in full make-up, slip on our latex cat suits and thigh high boots and slink into the kitchen for coffee. Similarly, houseboys, when permitted to ‘overnight’, do not always spend the night in chains, ball-gagged and butt plugged. I have no intentions of having to waste valuable time setting you free in the morning in order that you may make my bagel and cream cheese, and bring me a glass of cold o.j.
Houseboys rise with the sun, on their own volition, and have the household fully functioning by the time Mistress awakes. Houseboys must contend with Mistress’ many moods, and must be almost precognitive in sensing and meeting her needs. An ideal houseboy is a transparent addition to a dominant household, filling many roles, often simultaneously, while maintaining a cheerful yet unobtrusive demeanor.
What are the rewards? Satisfaction at a job well done. Being treated with the dignity and respect worthy of a skilled and dedicated craftsman. The occasional foray to the dungeon.
The punishments? More severe that you could possibly imagine. A houseboy is not expected to be perfect, although it’s always a nice thing to aspire to, but neither is he allowed to err constantly. Once familiar with the rules and expectations of the household, he is expected to comply with them completely. A houseboy intentionally misbehaving, in expectation of receiving a sound spanking often finds himself summarily dismissed.
Being a lifestyle submissive is a noble trade. Being a houseboy is a job. Know the job description, learn constantly, keep your eyes and ears open, and most importantly keep your mouth shut, and make yourself invaluable. If you’re lucky, your efforts will be rewarded.
And lastly, have some discretion.
Now, back to letter writing, If you pledge your eternal slavery to someone that you have never met, or even chatted with on-line, how would you expect her to react? Let her know why it is that you are writing to *her*: you heard good things about her, you liked her home page, you were impressed with a post she wrote on the newsgroups or in a magazine, you saw her at an event and have dreamed of her ever since.
Don’t try the shotgun approach - writing to every Dominant female in the Western world. Many of the Mistress on-line are friends, and someone who sends a letter to everything that moves will soon get a bad reputation. In fact there is a domme support group that deals with just that - passing information around on time wasters, and this is one place you do not want your name and details to end up!
Don’t waste your time, and the Dominant’s, by writing to someone who isn’t into what you are. If she’s not into spanking and it’s your number one turn-on, then neither of you will get what you want out of the relationship. Also, be clear about your expectations of sex. If you want your scenes to include orgasm, or you’re looking to give sexual service, say so. The same holds true if you are not willing to give sexual service, or are not expecting it. Be as honest as you can be.
If you have a wife or girlfriend, kids, or other baggage, and need to keep your activities private, that’s important for your potential Mistress to know. If you want just a one on one relationship with her, you better say so up front.
Lastly, take your “No, thank you”s gracefully. There are a lot of reasons why a Dominant might decline your offer. Remember that she might be looking for someone in the future, or may know another Dominant who is looking for someone, and you would like to be that someone. If you’re feeling brave you might politely ask why she said no, so you can write even better letters in the future. Keep trying, and refining your skills every time you do try. Eventually, you *will* succeed!